The fun part of these Tidal catalogs is that they are living documents. As new official records get released, I will go ahead and update them moving forward so that it always stays current. You can reference the original post, here.
Giving a three to the year 2020 would be an overstatement so at least the 2020 album from Bon Jovi beats that. I didn’t have to mask up while listening to it, no one had to stand six feet away from me and I actually left the house and listened to it. So, winning, on that front at least. But as far as the record goes – what a load of shit this is.
It’s time to pack it in, seriously, Jon. Bon Jovi the group is so far from what they used to be that it’s not even the same band any longer. This is adult contemporary music for grandmas. There’s zero pulse on this record, especially on the soooo dull and slow second half of the disc.
The album was originally supposed to come out in Q1 I believe and was pushed back due the pandemic and during that down time, Jon wrote “Do What You Can” specifically about Covid-19 (so yeah, that won’t age well) and “American Reckoning” about George Floyd’s death and support of the Black Lives Matter movement (and yeah, sadly that will likely still be relevant 20 years from now). With that, he re-did the track order and dropped two songs from the album, which feels odd considering it’s only a 10 song album to begin with. But the simple fact is that Bon Jovi has lost all the energy that made them superstars in the first place. Richie Sambora not being with the band hurts but Jon writes the songs, so I blame this on him. It’s time to quarantine the band for good, in my mind.
Introduction: For those of you that have stumbled across this website and are interested in reading about my trek through the universe of the Tidal streaming service, let me tell you a bit about what I did. Back in 2016 I thought it would be kind of cool to listen to an artist’s catalog from start to finish and rank them from best to worst. After all, who doesn’t like a good list? I thought I might do a few of them and see what happened, hoping it would introduce me to records that were foreign to me in the arsenal of an artist I was familiar with. I also thought that it would be pretty cool to get out of the “one off” mode of listening to a new record, years after the previous one, in order to get a true sense of how the artist matured over time. Fast forward to June of 2019 and 250 catalogs later, I ended the trek. I posted these all on Facebook over the years as they were completed but I’m going to move them all over here, starting with #1, in order to expand them out a bit more. Facebook doesn’t exactly allow for too many details.
As with all my catalogs, to be considered in the ranking, an album has to meet certain criteria:
The artist must actually perform on 80% of the tracks (soundtrack and rap provision)
No compilations of previous released material will be included.
However, compilations of previously recorded material will be included if they are remixes, bonus tracks, outtakes… mostly music that hasn’t been part of a main release before.
The album must have been released officially and within the realm of the label that the artist would have been on at the time or official releases posthumously (normally applies to a slew of live records)
Any EPs must contain new new music and be relevant to the catalog, not be more like a single with a b-side or two.
Entrance Point: I was a Bon Jovi fan. Too embarrassed to admit it back in the day but now I’ll wear my “Bad Medicine” t-shirt proudly. That said, I had stopped listening to the band after 2002s Bounce and only knew the singles past that point.
All albums ranked on a 10 scale:
Bon Jovi (9)
Well, it might seem weird to have Bon Jovi’s debut album in the first slot before some of the classic records and especially when Jon Bon Jovi himself has said that they weren’t even a good band until the third album but despite the 9 million hair metal cliches on this record, it’s the most consistent with the least amount of filler. It only had one minor hit in “Runaway” and certainly hasn’t stood the test of time, nor would I even recommend you go back to it to hear how they started as a band but tracks like “Breakout” and “Come Back” are real good songs. It even weirdly enough has a song called “Shot Through the Heart” which is not an older version of “You Give Love a Bad Name.” Jon must have really liked saying that.
Have A Nice Day (9)
1995’s These Days saw the band get rid of most of their hair metal sound and move more to straight rock, but it was 2000’s Crush that kind of moved them to a more “adult” sound and with that, they went from a band your sister loved to a band your mom loves. The best of these adult records is 2005’s Have a Nice Day. It benefits from having a pretty great lead single in the title track and follow ups “Who Says You Can’t Go Home” and “Welcome to Wherever You Are” are some of the better tracks Bon Jovi has released in the last couple decades. There’s certainly not much variety on this record as Jon wrote a dozen tracks with the same general vibe but it’s consistently good and that’s way more than I can say for most Bon Jovi records.
Slippery When Wet (8.5)
Slippery When Wet was much lower in my original post on Facebook but I decided to bump it up to #3 after listening to it again – I’m not 100% sure I should have but it is what it is at this. I try not to let nostalgia get in the way of the actual music and the non-singles tend to play out like filler but this damn record sold 28M copies worldwide on the basis of “You Give Love a Bad Name” “Livin’ on a Prayer” “Wanted Dead or Alive” and “Never Say Goodbye,” which are some of the greatest songs of the hair metal genre.
Lost Highway (7)
Lost Highway is Bon Jovi’s country record, except well, it’s not. Sure, there’s a song with LeAnn Rimes and a song with Big & Rich on here and the title track has an inkling of that crossover country appeal but that’s it, an inkling. This album is another pretty consistent rock record and if a little pedal steel and some violins make this a country record, so be it. But in all the times I’ve listened to this, I’ve never thought of it as country. I can see why it appeals to the country crowd for sure as it’s got a bit more of a laid back vibe than most Bon Jovi records even in their later period and it’s the only record from them that has this overall sound but to me, this is just a chill version of Jon and the gang.
New Jersey (7)
Keep the Faith (6)
100,000,000 Bon Jovi Fans Can’t Be Wrong (6)
The Circle (5.5)
This House is Not For Sale (5.5)
One Wild Night (5)
Inside Out (5)
These Days (4)
There was once a dude named…oh, well, I don’t really know his name but he works at the record store by my house and he’s straight out of hair metal nation circa 1988 – lives and breathes the stuff. If he had said to me that he was in a third tier band like Jackyl or the Bulletboys, I wouldn’t have even thought twice about it. And at one point in 2019, I was in the store and he was playing Bon Jovi’s These Days. He started having a full conversation with another customer about how this is the best Bon Jovi record, full of great rock tunes and grunge tracks that make it clearly underrated and the most well crafted LP they have. I always think back to that conversation and wonder what he was smoking. This is a different record for sure and it’s grunge-y, trying to fit in with the era but it was also 1995, so they hit the tail end of it already. And really, the tracks are dull. They don’t have nearly the same punch as at least the hits do and thus, it all just sort of blends together. I mean, I’ve had conversations with this dude at the store before and he really knows his shit but I guess everyone is wrong sometimes. Except me. [laugh people, it’s a joke]
What About Now? (4)
This House Is Not For Sale – Live from the London Palladium (4)